There have probably been times when you, or someone you know, felt low around the holidays. It could be for many reasons: being away from home and family, the thought of spending the holidays with strangers, financial pressure and more. Why is the most wonderful time of the year so distressing for some people?
Why the holidays can feel stressful
The unwelcome guests of stress, depression and anxiety are more common during the holidays than you might think. The season’s demands can all be stressful: battling crowds while shopping and running errands, back-to-back parties and social engagements, cooking meals, giving gifts, house guests and family.
Feelings of loneliness and isolation are also common over the holiday season. During the pandemic, many people spent the holidays apart from family and friends, which added to the distress.
Holiday blues can be very personal. What upsets one person may not upset another. Sadness or despair over the holidays can be a reaction to the season’s pressures and responsibilities.
Holiday blues or seasonal affective disorder?
In some cases, people feel low during the winter holidays because of a condition called seasonal affective disorder (SAD), sometimes known as seasonal depression. It is a type of depression that occurs, and recurs, as the days get shorter in autumn and winter. It is thought that people who are affected react to falling levels of sunlight and colder temperatures, which leads to feelings of depression.
When there is less sunlight, people’s behaviour changes too. In winter, most people eat and sleep a little more and dread dark mornings and short days. For some, though, the symptoms are severe enough to disrupt their lives and cause significant distress. Learn more about low mood and depression.
Recognising holiday stress
To overcome holiday anxiety, you first need to recognise that you are stressed. Sometimes the signs are obvious, but not always.
It’s common to feel pressure to stay cheerful and keep smiling through the holidays, and that pressure can deepen loneliness and despair. It’s fine to feel a range of emotions.
Tips for coping with holiday stress
Be realistic
Go into the holiday season with realistic expectations and set goals you can achieve. To manage stress, note down what you expect from yourself, what others expect from you, and your holiday responsibilities.
Be honest with yourself about what you can and cannot do. Accept that you don’t have to do everything, and not everything has to be perfect.
Reach out
Even with what looks like more social contact (trips to the mall, large family meals, back-to-back parties), loneliness and isolation can increase during the holidays. Make an effort to meet new people, or get in touch with a family member or friend you’ve lost touch with.
If you need emotional or practical help with particular holiday tasks, ask friends or family.
Make small lifestyle adjustments
One of your best defences against stress is keeping up healthy habits during the holidays: getting enough sleep, eating well and staying physically active. Keep as much of your daily routine as you can, such as workouts, a book club or personal self-care time.
Rather than letting holiday responsibilities take over your life, fit them into your routine. Limit alcohol, as drinking too much will only worsen low mood. And to enjoy the holidays in a new way, try something different.
Stick to a budget
Keep track of your festive spending. When the bills arrive after the holidays, overspending can lead to despair, and extra bills on a tight budget add to stress and depression.
Don’t expect a pile of gifts to bring you or others happiness. Look for budget-friendly alternatives instead, like homemade gifts or thrift shopping.
Make time for yourself and learn to say no
Decide what matters most to you and where you want to be, and give yourself permission to turn down other requests for your time. This applies to traditions too: it’s absolutely fine for traditions to change over time, and for you, your family and friends to create new ones that suit your life now.
Set aside time to look after yourself and choose an activity you enjoy. Just 15 minutes alone, without interruptions, may be enough to re-energise you. A night walk and some stargazing, relaxing music or a good book are all good options, as are our free guided calming practices.
Finding calm this holiday season
Don’t let the holidays become a source of anxiety. Recognise your holiday triggers, such as financial stress or personal obligations, so you can deal with them before they become overwhelming. With a little planning and a kinder outlook, you can find calm and joy during the holidays.
When to talk to someone
Despite your best efforts, you may feel sad or anxious all the time, have physical complaints, struggle to sleep, feel irritable and hopeless, or be unable to manage daily tasks. If these symptoms persist, talk to your doctor or a mental health professional: you can book a session with a Trijog therapist or call the Trijog helpline on 1800 202 7180.
