We have all felt anger at some point, whether it was slight annoyance or full-blown rage. Anger is a raw and very human emotion. It’s normal to feel angry sometimes; the problem starts when it becomes out of control and destructive, causing issues at work, in your relationships and in your overall quality of life.
What is anger?
Anger is an adrenaline-fuelled reaction to a potentially threatening situation. It alerts you to something unjust, distressing, painful or frightening that needs to be addressed.
It is a natural, adaptive response to danger. It brings up strong, often aggressive feelings and behaviours that help us fight and defend ourselves when attacked. So a healthy dose of anger is useful. When it gets out of hand, though, it becomes an obstacle.
What is anger management?
How we navigate our emotional world shapes how we interpret anger’s message, and anger management (or the lack of it) is about how we respond to that interpretation. The goal of anger management is to help a person reduce or manage their anger in a healthy way. It lowers the mental and physical arousal that rage can cause.
You can’t avoid every person or situation that makes you angry, but you can learn to regulate your reactions and respond in a socially acceptable way.
Common myths about anger
Myth: Anger is the same as violence
No. Violence can be one way of expressing repressed or uncontrolled anger, but anger isn’t always violent. It can also show up as passive aggression, changes in body language, non-cooperation, raised voices and more. Rather than letting others know you’re unhappy, violence often has the opposite effect and pushes people away.
Myth: Anger is a negative emotion
Anger is not always negative. It is a healthy, human emotion that is trying to warn you of danger or something unpleasant. What matters is working through your anger and managing it so it isn’t expressed in harmful ways.
Myth: Anger management doesn't work
This is false. When you can’t manage your anger, situations can spiral out of control, so it’s important to recognise the need for anger management at the right time. It teaches you other ways to express or experience anger, instead of unhealthy ones. Therapy and courses in anger management can be very helpful for understanding and managing your anger.
Why is anger management therapy necessary?
Anger management therapy uses several techniques: understanding the causes of your anger and your responses to it, learning skills to regulate or defuse it, and changing beliefs and attitudes about anger. Its purpose is to reduce both the emotional and physical arousal anger causes. You can’t get rid of, ignore or change the things or people that irritate you, but you can learn to control your reactions.
An anger problem can make you feel hopeless and powerless, but there are several treatment options to consider. A qualified mental health professional can help you work out which approaches suit your situation.
An important part of the process is helping people and their loved ones understand that an anger problem is an illness, and that it calls for patience and compassion. Group or individual therapy can help a great deal, and in some cases a therapist may suggest combining therapy with medication. Any treatment is tailored to the individual’s needs.
Anger management tips you can try
- Start to understand and reflect on your triggers. This can help you find new ways to respond, avoid some triggers in future, behave differently when they happen, or share them with others so they can support you.
- Practise relaxation skills, such as our free guided breathing exercises.
- Take a time-out and give yourself some space when you need it.
- Practise empathy and forgiveness.
- Change your environment if the one you’re in feels overwhelming.
- Pause and think before you speak or act. Try expressing your feelings simply and calmly later.
- Maintain a healthy lifestyle. Meditation and exercise give your emotions a non-destructive outlet and release endorphins that help you relax.
When to talk to someone about anger
Anger can harm your health, relationships and career. Therapy can help with emotional regulation, self-control, coping skills and communication, and Trijog’s counsellors have specialised training and years of experience in anger management, using evidence-based strategies. Don’t hold back from reaching out: book a session or call the Trijog helpline on 1800 202 7180.
