Technology has made it easier to keep in touch with the outside world, and even to reconnect with long-lost friends, but it has also changed how we define relationships.
Someone with 1,000 Facebook friends may feel like a rock star. But how many of those “friends” would be there to support them when they start a business or go through a personal crisis?
How to build healthy relationships
Would you like to know how to form strong, healthy relationships? Here are a few tips to follow.
Be happy with yourself
You may have heard this one before, and there is a reason for that: it is still the best place to start. As Michelle Maros puts it in Peaceful Mind Peaceful Life:
“Your relationships outside will flounder if you don’t have unconditional love and compassion for yourself.”
Learn to listen and understand
Throughout your life, you have probably faced this problem. Your parents never listened. Your spouse never listens. Your boss just does not understand, or listen.
As George P.H. notes in Pick The Brain:
“We can connect with people simply by listening to them, hearing them out without interruption, and doing our best to understand where they’re coming from.”
Follow up
If you feel you have hit it off with someone, professionally or personally, do not wait for them to get in touch with you. If you believe there is potential for a new relationship, make sure you follow up.
Keith Ferrazzi, author of Never Eat Alone, suggests that you should follow up within 48 hours of the first meeting.
Be positive
Here is a quick question: would you rather spend time with someone who is a downer, or someone who is upbeat?
Barbara Fredrickson, a psychologist at the University of North Carolina, backs up the obvious in Psychology Today:
Positive emotions help us “broaden and build” relationships.
Do not try to be someone else
As Adrian Savage puts it in a LifeHack headline:
“If you can’t trust yourself, why should others trust you?”
Make time for lunch
We are all busy, but are you too busy to stop and eat? Probably not. Relationship expert Nate Bagley from Loveumentary believes you should “make the time” to schedule lunch with a friend, acquaintance or family member.
This small step can bring great benefits.
Habits that can strain a relationship
It also helps to watch out for these common patterns:
- Having unrealistic expectations of yourself, the other person or the relationship in general.
- Coming too close too soon, physically or psychologically.
- Being negative about yourself, the relationship or life.
- Being a rescuer, a martyr, a saviour or a “perfect” person.
- Trying to change the other person to suit your needs.
- Being too self-centred, judgemental or always “right”.
- Stockpiling strong feelings such as anger, pain, sadness or neediness, and then pouring them all out at once.
- Expecting the other person to be a mind reader, a fixer or always a rock of stability for you.
These practices will not only lift your mood and help you build connections, but also help you form strong, long-lasting relationships.
FAQs
What is the first step to building healthy relationships?
Being happy with yourself. Having unconditional love and compassion for yourself is the best place to start, because your relationships with others can flounder without it.
How soon should you follow up after meeting someone new?
If you feel there is potential for a new relationship, do not wait for the other person to get in touch. Keith Ferrazzi suggests following up within 48 hours of the first meeting.
Getting support
If a relationship with a partner, family member or friend is causing you ongoing stress, talking it through can help. Trijog offers individual counselling as well as couples and marriage therapy. You can book a session with a Trijog therapist or call the Trijog helpline on 1800 202 7180.
