Whatever kind of loss you have suffered, there is no right or wrong way to grieve. But understanding how grief works can help you find healthier ways to cope.
What is grief?
Grief is a natural response to loss. It is the emotional suffering you feel when something or someone you love is taken away.
The pain of loss can feel overwhelming. You may experience all kinds of difficult and unexpected emotions, from shock or anger to disbelief, guilt and deep sadness. Grief can also affect your physical health, making it hard to sleep, eat or even think straight.
These are normal reactions to loss, and the more significant the loss, the more intense your grief is likely to be.
Types of loss that can cause grief
Coping with the loss of someone or something you love is one of life’s biggest challenges. You may associate grieving with the death of a loved one, which often causes the most intense grief, but any loss can cause grief, including:
- Divorce or a relationship breakup
- Loss of health
- Losing a job
- Loss of financial stability
- A miscarriage
- Retirement
- Death of a pet
- Loss of a cherished dream
- A loved one’s serious illness
- Loss of a friendship
- Loss of safety after a trauma
- Selling the family home
Even subtle losses can trigger grief. For example, you might grieve after moving away from home, graduating from college or changing jobs.
Whatever your loss, it is personal to you. Don’t feel ashamed of how you feel, or believe it is only appropriate to grieve for certain things. If the person, animal, relationship or situation mattered to you, it is normal to grieve.
Whatever the cause, there are healthy ways to cope with the pain that, in time, can ease your sadness, help you come to terms with your loss, find new meaning and eventually move on with your life.
Myths and facts about grief
- Myth: The pain will go away faster if you ignore it. Fact: Trying to ignore your pain or keep it from surfacing only makes it worse in the long run. Real healing means facing your grief and actively dealing with it.
- Myth: It’s important to “be strong” in the face of loss. Fact: Feeling sad, frightened or lonely is a normal reaction to loss. Crying doesn’t mean you are weak. You don’t need to “protect” your family or friends by putting on a brave front; showing your true feelings can help both them and you.
- Myth: If you don’t cry, you aren’t sorry about the loss. Fact: Crying is a normal response to sadness, but it’s not the only one. People who don’t cry may feel the pain just as deeply. They may simply show it in other ways.
- Myth: Grieving should last about a year. Fact: There is no set time frame for grief. How long it takes differs from person to person.
- Myth: Moving on with your life means forgetting your loss. Fact: Moving on means you’ve accepted your loss, which is not the same as forgetting. You can move on and keep the memory of who or what you lost as an important part of you. As we move through life, these memories can become more and more central to who we are.
Common symptoms of grief
Loss affects people differently, but many of us experience the following symptoms when we are grieving. Almost anything you feel in the early stages of grief is normal, including feeling like you’re going crazy, feeling like you’re in a bad dream, or questioning your religious or spiritual beliefs.
Emotional symptoms
- Shock and disbelief
- Sadness
- Guilt
- Fear
- Anger
Physical symptoms
- Fatigue
- Nausea
- Lowered immunity
- Weight loss or weight gain
- Aches and pains
- Insomnia
How to cope with the grieving process
Grieving a loss is an inevitable part of life, but there are ways to cope with the pain, come to terms with your grief and, eventually, pick up the pieces and move on:
- Acknowledge your pain.
- Accept that grief can trigger many different and unexpected emotions.
- Understand that your grieving process will be unique to you.
- Seek face-to-face support from people who care about you.
- Support yourself emotionally by taking care of yourself physically.
- Recognise the difference between grief and depression.
FAQs
How long does grief last?
There is no fixed timeline. How long grief lasts differs from person to person.
Is it normal to grieve something other than a death?
Yes. A breakup, job loss, illness, retirement, the death of a pet or even moving home can all cause grief. If it mattered to you, it is normal to grieve it.
Getting support with grief
If grief feels too heavy to carry alone, or you are finding it hard to cope day to day, talking to someone can help. Trijog’s grief and loss counsellors offer a safe space to work through your loss: book a session or call the Trijog helpline on 1800 202 7180.
If you or someone you know is in immediate danger, call 112. For free, confidential support any time, call Tele-MANAS on 14416.
